Pressed, but not Crushed

So, how do you have a real gutty, honest conversation on a blog? I’ve been grappling with this lately, because I think Sara and I are generally a hopeful pair. Naturally, then, on this blog, the glass is always three-quarters full. But I have to be blunt: this has been a BAD couple of months with Jackson. His words are gone, the humming-bird speed hand-flapping has become almost constant, and he is hardly responding to us the way he was in the Spring. We’ve told you about the waves of progress and regress. This is the bottom of that cycle. At least I hope it’s the bottom.

But how do you communicate this stuff to the world without sounding melodramatic, like an After-School Special? This isn’t an “Our Life Is Harder Than Yours” type of website! Every family has its own significant challenges. This autism thing is one of ours. And what would the point be to go into detail? It doesn’t do any good to vent and ruin someone else’s day.

Then again, the point of a blog like this is to give you a real glimpse into our world, which is probably quite different than yours. So for the sake of honesty, I’m just going to say it: this sucks. He’s not looking us in the eye, he’s not even responding to his name most times! For a parent, this isn’t fun. It sucks. Period. No sympathy requested, no violins needed. It just sucks right now.

And yet I can’t leave it at that. We’re pressed, but not crushed. Struck down? Maybe. Probably. Yes. But we’re not destroyed. Jack will ride the high waves again, and he will move forward. His words will come back, and eventually, he will understand how to put his poopies in the potty and not on the carpet (yeah, it’s been a long day…) And eventually, I will learn to embrace him just as tightly in the downtimes as I do in the ups. He deserves that at least. Because ultimately, Jackson is God’s son even before He is mine.