Rat, tat, tat, tat, chk, chk, chk, chk, chk, chk, chk, chk…Ahhh…all else in the house is quiet, but my pounding head is still not at peace since Jackson is not allowed to nap in order to protect the sanctity of nighttime sleep. Two packaged strips of fruit leather are madly flailing against the edge of the coffee table. Jackson’s arms are a blur. With incredible precision and endurance, he whips those fruit strips like his life depends on it. And I am faced with a decision: do I allow him to be lost in this repetitive movement, known in the autism community as flapping or stimming (Self Stimulatory Behavior)?
While he’s stimming, he’s lost in his perception of the blurred movement, unaware of anything 4 inches past the end of his nose. Besides not producing anything visibly helpful or educational for him, it’s annoying: Jackson loves to stim on the tv, the wall, his lunch plate, Daddy’s head.
To Stim or Not to Stim?
Recently we tried a week of “cracking down” on the stimming. Our strategy was to either remove the objects he was stimming with or show him to his “stimming room.” Removing the objects brought some resistance, but discouraging stimming altogether produced one stressed out little dude and 4 stressed out “stimming police,” namely Mommy, Daddy, Big Sister #1 and Big Sister #2.
During our weeklong experiment, I researched stimming a bit. Many sources discouraged it, and others recommended redirecting to a structured activity, or allowing stimming in designated areas and at designated times. I found a youtube video of a young man with high functioning autism who explained his reasons for stimming: to calm himself, to clear his mind when he’d hit a wall, and to relieve stress, he would go in his room and flap his hands until he felt better.
By the end of our weeklong experiment, I was convinced that Jackson needed some amount of this stress reliever, but we could reduce the amount of stimming with structured, directed activity. I also determined that our home was to be a place of refuge and that he should be allowed to stim there during down time as long as it was not irritating to us or preventing him from completing activities or tasks. Certain areas are off limites like the front of the tv while sisters are trying to watch a movie, people, and the sliding glass door. Cutting down on the amount of stimming has made us consciously engage him in our activities and produced in Jackson a new awareness and desire to throw down his fruit strips and join in the fun. Redirecting Jackson to another highly structured activity works well, and providing consistant direction or disallowing excess down time across the board works even better.
The Great Potential Treasure Hunt
As I rub my throbbing temples and listen to the rapid thwap, thwap, thwaping near my elbow, I consider this: My son is already amazing, and we love him no matter what happens. But I feel deep down he has so much potential that is masked or hidden from view. Right now he cannot tell me the things he loves; he cannot tell me his 4-year-old dreams and aspirations. So for now, I’m determined to give him all the experiences possible to discover those dreams and aspirations. Most days it is just easier to stay home, but still we drag ourselves to the science museum, the playground, and the nearby horse ranch knowing full well the experience could last 3 hours or 5 minutes depending on how Jackson responds. I long to find those things he is passionate about and the purpose that he was created for.
My mother, ever the optimist, seeing potential in everyone and everything, sent Jackson a pair of drum brushes and bongos suggesting, “Maybe he’ll be a drummer.” Maybe he will be. Maybe this stimming thing is more than just a “classic sign of autism,” maybe it’s what helps him organize his world, what helps him hold it all together, or maybe he is practicing to become a world-class drummer. Maybe he’ll create music that speaks to the soul and sparks joy in the heart like none other. Why would we deprive him of the opportunity to find out?
The thwapping has stopped for a few seconds, and in its absence, I realize Jackson really could develop some drumming skills. Our friend just suggested electric drums with headphones. Now that’s an experiment my head could handle!